As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We just shotgunned beers for America
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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