at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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