dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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