Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
