All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
