just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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