I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
