i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
