I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize