so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
