..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
