good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
