Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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