I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
