Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
