Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
