How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
