The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We are all done wearing pants today
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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