Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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