How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
