I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
