toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
