He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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