I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
