I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
