just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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