we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
