i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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