I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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