Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
