White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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