last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize