I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
being pregnant is like rehab
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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