gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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