fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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