I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
