the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
