Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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