friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
