He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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