hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
