I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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