just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
