thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
