Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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