So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize