White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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