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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize