she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
