This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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