i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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