And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize