Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
