look no pants
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
