i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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