ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
