You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
