Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
