I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Randomize
