hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
