I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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