hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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