the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
