does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
