I wish they made helmets for livers.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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