totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
