I think my vagina is haunted
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
