I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
